the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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