carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
