It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
