I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
