He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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