I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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