guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
