Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
