David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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