Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
