she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
