Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
