the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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