my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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