she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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