it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
