You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
