why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
