just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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