someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
