my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
