All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
