I want to stick my p in your. b.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
