If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
