i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
