Porn is love you can see.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
