so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
