Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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