we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
