You really coming over, don't trick.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
