Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
