finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
