and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
