all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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