a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Everything about him screamed your future.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
