I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
