I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
kristin has been a bad kristin
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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