First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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