You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
