bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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