I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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