For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
