I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
