I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
