i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
