I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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