Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
