how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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