U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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