How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
