I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
